The truth about having children



  • You have to pee in the dark unless you want to undo two hours of whining and crying and rocking and bargaining. Also ideally you need a silent flush and the bathroom to be at the other end of the house completely. See ‘Toddler plus pregnancy’ on this issue.
  • Motherhood is relentless and a lonely space to be in both physically and mentally. Everyone except those on ‘mumsnet’ is a Pinterest Mamma who lies about how difficult it actually it.
  • When they get ill, you don’t leave the house for days because the repercussions are that they get a whole lot worse and you don’t sleep for weeks instead of days. But actually all you both want to do is escape the four walls of home and get some fresh air. Note, the worst illnesses usually crop up in the dead of winter when you are completely stuck, plus its freezing outside and you can’t be bothered anyway.
  • You no longer have personal space, personal time or personal anything. Everything is shared. Your food always looks better, what you are doing always looks more fun (laundry, housework etc), you don’t look like you need anything but them in your life.
  • They need you, for everything, all the time. They need you to feed them, to dress them, to play with them, to fix the things they break (boo boos, ouchies and toys alike). See ‘Personal Space’
  • No matter how disciplined you make them, only children somehow end up spoilt and have a constant need for validation. They are used to 100% of the free time you have and sharing with you is not the same as sharing with other kids. Plus there are no repercussions from children when they go through the awkward stages of hitting or biting and they need a time out or to be told off. Thats why we knew we needed a sibling if only for the sharing thing!



  • They are cute. Nuff said!
  • They feed off your emotions and are very empathetic beings, this also means you have to keep the negative emotions in check a lot but if you do get upset there are always little shoulders to snuggle into (for all of five seconds before their attention span goes elsewhere).
  • They complete your life. They fill every single minute of those 24 hours, no sleep included, but they provide meaning and purpose where before it was filled with work. This is much more satisfying because you can see your reward forming and growing everyday.
  • You really learn to let go, that OCD stuff just won’t cut it anymore because everything will be strewn everywhere all the time, nanny or no nanny and OCD or no OCD. I dare you to keep on top of it and not have a psychotic meltdown. Show homes just aren’t happening!
  • They will love you unconditionally forever, and though sometimes it is hard to see past the asylum your home has become, it is all healthy and they will always love you.

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