I swore that I would never let my home go, you know you go to some people’s homes and it looks like something big happened. Not just a little mess in one room but a full on explosion in every crevice, nook and cranny. Somewhere flubber would have felt right at home and who knows might even be living under all of that stuff. Well guess what, I have officially got there. I am hiding flubber somewhere in my home and that little ball of slime is probably never going to be seen this side of the next two decades!
For some strange and unknown reason my family managed to keep our home spotless growing up. It is not at though I have an excess amount of items (although all husbands think their wives are hoarders), and yet somehow there is just stuff…everywhere…all the time!
Admittedly it is getting harder and harder to maintain a clear floor policy but it is one thing I don’t have a choice in maintaining come hell or high water. That 1yr old I mentioned in my last post…well he eats anything off the floor. I have been to people’s houses and he is eating clingfilm, plastic, carpet fluff, cardboard. I swear the boy gets fed but because at home he can drop something and the floor is clean, he can pick it up and just eat it. So he assumes all environments are the same. We had to upgrade our dyson from the heavy regular kind, to the cordless so that I can vacuum everyday and not worry that something untoward (like flubber) might end up in his stomach.
Unbeknownst to me though is that a one year old is not at all helpful, so I will come home from work and fed up of fighting a battle I have learnt I will loose, and wait until he goes to sleep to then do a blitz of the house. Start from the bottom in the kitchen and end up in bed. The thing is it doesn’t just take 15mins because:
- I am pregnant so I need to pee. All the time. I needed to pee without a baby inside me, now I need to pee more.
- But if I go to the bathroom and he isn’t in deep sleep, he will cry and then we have to start the whole sordid sleep process again. Weigh out how much you need the bathroom sister because sometimes it just aint worth it!
- I have been up for hours, my back hurts, my chair at work is uncomfy and I just want to skip the tidying and end up in bed with a hot water bottle to ease the loosening pelvis.
- As you are waiting for your child to sleep and thinking about how much you need to pee, as if by rote Every Single Night at precisely that moment, your unborn child kicks in quick succession (aggravating the already pissed off bladder) and then settles right in the corner of your stomach. That dull ache you get sometimes, bottom left or bottom right? Thats your baby getting comfy and also your baby pushing down until you give up and just go pee.
- The dishes never end, the sterilising never ends, the laundry never ends, the kids always play with the fiddly toys just before bed with parts strewn all over the room, the nappies always stock up no matter how many trips you make to the bin outside…and quite frankly you have been up since when the baby got up so who even cares about a clean home.
- You are anaemic so the tiredness is justified and excess energy would like to be used towards a good cause like managing to watch bit of tv before completely passing out. Not using it to clean the kitchen after everyone has had their staggered dinners.
- You waddle now and your knees hurt from carrying the 1yr old. So squatting to pick things just isn’t what it used to be. It now takes longer to get back up than it does to go down, senior citizens I have newfound respect for you all!
The bottom line is, I just don’t care. I have become one of those people with one of those homes and sparce energy to get through each day. I finally understand why those people were never ashamed of their homes. It is because they simply didn’t have the energy to care. So long as everyone is fed and clothed, those judgements I will tell you where to stick if you dare to ask!