For the first time I went to a party today, for two hours, in the evening, when my child had not slept properly the whole day. I came home and I cried!
It was awful watching all the other kids have fun and interacting while mine just sat and watched because he was too tired to participate. It wasn’t through lack of trying to get him to nap all day but the more you want something the more the universe sends out signals for it not to happen.
But I realised how integral a part of my life had become that I actually timed his movements and mealtimes to coincide with a happy baby at the party so we could both just have a break from each other. It was probably this desire that lead to a very prolific breakdown once I got home, filled with envy of 40 other mothers with children who were eating and playing and running around while their mothers had a natter over their children’s leftover pizza and fruit.
I mean did the baby not desire to break free from the monotony of home and living room and quite frankly my disheveled face? Clearly not because the whining stopped as soon as we got home and he was simply happy to be home in the comfort of all he knew. That’s when I knew, I had unknowingly raised a hermit!
Me, who loved a party and a wedding and any occasion to get together with other people. Me, who if I was off sick from work would quite literally talk for an hour straight when my husband got home just to talk to someone.
It’s a shame because everyone needs space from their child to appreciate them. Quality space that doesn’t involve a ten step plan about how to care for the baby in your absense but just space whereby you can feel like a person rather than the empty shell of a human in survival mode to get through each day. I wanted that today, I wanted the baby to play and I wanted a conversation. Neither happened but actually that’s just how parenting a baby works.