In the beginning there was a thought, a thought of a bonny little baby playing in the garden and growing up to be a beautiful, independent, empathetic child.
What no-one ever told me was that the transition from thought to reality involves so many tears and crushed hopes and hundreds of pounds sent to ClearBlue ‘just in case’ that first pregnancy test was wrong. The more you want it the less it seems to happen and somehow all you can see is pregnant people everywhere. A sign of your failure and the universe silently mocking your inability to conceive.
Rest assured it all feels a lot more dramatic at the time, and there is that excuse of raging hormones that women can use for something to blame for all that pent up frustration in between cycles. But that feeling is normal and it hurts so bad everytime you hear that someone is expecting. Of course you are happy for them but somewhere deep down you feel those natural pangs of envy. You don’t wish them ill but you wish you didn’t get the short straw for yet another month.
Even though we live in a society that is so progressive and has come so far, there is still an underlying concept that it is the woman’s fault if she can’t get pregnant. In actual fact it could be any number of reasons but it often comes back to her. I was lucky that I had an understanding partner who felt the pain of another month lost but there is a silent unspoken grief it causes.
Trying to conceive was without a doubt one of the most heart-wrenching and painful processes we have ever gone through. You start of thinking of people who had children almost immediately, and slowly month by month the excitement starts to ebb and the tears begin to flow and that spark of hope dwindles to a flicker, barely staying alight. Luckily for me there was the world wide web to console myself and find things I could do to make it happen. Unluckily for me, was the fact that top of every single God-damn list was ‘relax’ and ‘don’t stress about it’. Hello?! Have those bloggers or women ever been through what I am going through to tell me to ‘relax’!
On hindsight it worked because the one month we stopped bothering to care was the one month it worked out. Granted it was also the one month I did various other things which I am going to list below. So who knows, it could be a culmination of the following:
Reflexology: Go to someone good, it only takes a half hour session and if you live in Cambridgeshire ‘Hayley’s Pamper Cabin’ does the most fantastic job and she is lovely and well trained.
Exercise: This is a big one, anything that keeps you fit will help circulate oxygen to all parts of your body. A favourite is Pilates, not only will you have a good workout but those abs you get from it will help you shrink back to pre pregnancy stomach after the baby with minimal effort.
Folic Acid tablets
Glass of Milk
Any Berries (high in antioxidants)
2-3 times a week
Oily Fish (Salmon)
Clearblue digital ovulation tests
For 5 consecutive days after ovulation (no more and no less), buy a fresh pineapple, cut into 5 pieces and eat one piece a day.